“Now when Job’s three friends heard of all these troubles that had come upon him, each of them set out from his home…” -Job 2:11
Nearly everyone can list unhelpful comments they received in grocery store aisles and school pick up lines in the wake of tragedy. Many of us have attempted a note of condolence only to struggle to know what to write. Avoiding the acquaintance with the diagnosis or simply sticking to small talk when first encountering the bereaved are things we’ve done out of fear of saying the wrong thing.
But it seems the only wrong thing when it comes to grief in friendship, is ghosting. Companioning, being with our friends in their darkest valleys, is the gift that friendship has to offer. We do not need to fix, solve or heal anything. We need to show up. To be willing to hold space, despite our own discomfort and wonderings.
In the coming days, be intentional about building your capacity for holding space. When a friend, co-worker or family member expresses distress, try pausing before responding. Curate a gentle response that indicates care such as that sounds difficult or I’m sorry you are dealing with this or tell me more. Try offering a limited response paired with attentive listening instead of mitigating or silver-lining the situation.
Who in your life could use the gift of companionship today?
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